It’s going to be a hot one today, I think to myself as I make my way out to the water. My feet sting from the burning sand as I walk closer to the water. It’s going to be a good day. I look at the sun, the heat hitting me right away.
I watch the water wash up the shore, sitting right where the sand gets dark. The beach is still empty because it’s just after eight a.m. I look at my tanned legs, thinking about how fast the summer is going to be over. We spend all our time outside. In the pool, in the ocean, my uniform this summer was bikini after bikini. Jensen would groan each time I would buy a new one. He actually bought me twenty one-piece swimsuits. They are sitting in the boxes next to the door with the rest of the boxes of my things. My share of the lease expires today, and in twenty minutes, Jensen will be here to load up my stuff to move me in with him.
We took our time. Well, I took my time. If it was up to Jensen, I would have moved in with him the day he told me he loved me. The day I told him I loved him. The day that turned out to be the best day of my life, but well, since then, there have been many best days, just not as special as that one. I was the one dragging my feet only because I didn’t want to just jump. I wanted to ease Mila into it also, but one day when I wasn’t there, and she set the table for the three of us, he called to let me know. I did what anyone would do; I hightailed it over there, and we ate dinner together.
“I set the table for us. Silly families always eat together” Mila said as soon as I walked through the door, half out of breath from running down the beach through the sand.
“Thank you for being so helpful,” I told her, leaning down to kiss her head. “Hi there.” I looked over at Jensen, who is taking something out of the oven. I walked into the kitchen; he placed the tray down and approached me.
“Glad you could make it.” He kissed me, so naturally, with my hands around his waist.
“I’m going to put some juice boxes on the table,” Mila said coming into the room, not even blinking at me hugging her father and us kissing. She didn’t bat an eye when she woke up in the middle of the night and climbed into bed with us before I snuck out in the morning.
So now, I sit on the sand, the letter in my back pocket crinkling once I sit. I lean forward and take the letter out of my pocket, looking at the folded white envelope.
I had forgotten about the letter, finding it only when I started packing my boxes. I look down at the envelope, still not sure I want to open it.
I look at the water, seeing the calmness in it, the waves crashing softly today, nothing like when I got here.
I turn the letter over in my hand, my finger sliding under the flap to open it. I pull out the folded white letter and open it up.
Eric’s writing gets me right away. Messy, always messy, and printed.
My dear, dear sweet Hailey,
If you are reading this, it means that I didn’t have the courage to do this while I was still alive.
I know what you’re thinking. Fuck, I don’t even know what I’m thinking half the time. But I would like to explain.
The first time I saw you, it was like my world stopped or got knocked around. You are the most beautiful person I have ever met, inside and out.
I know you are probably wondering why I did what I did, and I wish I had the answer, but I don’t. The only thing I know is that I couldn’t stay away from you.
I fell in love with two women, and I couldn’t walk away from either of you. I was that selfish bastard you used to always bitch about. Every single time I came home, I told myself I would tell you the truth, but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t let you go. When I was with you, I felt alive so alive.
I’m sorry for lying to you. I’m sorry for not having the balls to be man enough and deal with whatever it is that would have happened. I’m sorry that in the end you won’t remember me with the love and respect you gave me, but with hurt and sadness.
I’m sorry I’m not there with the answers, and I’m even more sorry you have to find out with this letter. But I want you to know that I loved you. Fuck, I love you with everything I am.