Minutes later, she heard faint footfalls of Alain finally making his departure and her heart sank with every receding step. Was it well and truly over between them? Or was she making the biggest mistake by pushing him away? What if he never came back?
She’d have to pay the price, come what may. Maya wanted to win back her pride and self-esteem, battered after several months of never being secure about Alain. Maybe they could work things out, maybe not. But she couldn’t hinge her whole happiness and existence on another human being, not after he’d used gimmicks just to protect his ego.
Perhaps, if it wasn’t for her own hidden insecurities and how she’d never really felt worthy of him, then she wouldn’t have reacted so negatively to everything. She’d seen glimpses of the world where he truly belonged, when she’d viewed his profile both online and in every magazine he featured in, which she got her hands on. That life of glamor, affluence and accomplishment where someone like Maya couldn’t even dare dream of attaining on her own.
Maya had been awed and frightened by the prospect of wanting to lay claim to being at Alain’s side. She couldn’t really picture herself as a billionaire’s girlfriend or wife, that was if Alain was even thinking that far.
Even with how much she told herself she’d made the right decision, Maya spent the next few days in constant turmoil. She wasn’t completely alone – she had Nikki and the support of a few other friends and family, but it wasn’t the same. How had she grown so dependent on Alain’s presence in her life, that it physically ached to be separated from him this way?
To make matters worse were the headaches that started to get at her as she got well into her third trimester. Her doctor had told her to be more careful about her posture and to get plenty of rest and relaxation, but none of those remedies seemed to be working.
Deep down, Maya knew her tension headaches might not be entirely pregnancy related. She couldn’t count how many times a day she stared at the phone wanting to call Alain up. She didn’t even know if he was still in the country or had returned to Europe on one of his constant business trips.
Thinking of how in the past many months he’d always been too busy, Maya’s resolve hardened and she changed her mind about calling him. She could handle this alone, she vowed.
Finally, Maya decided she needed some time away. She didn’t plan on going anyplace far, just somewhere quiet she could have to herself for a few days. Even Nikki wasn’t told exactly where it was – Maya didn’t want anyone trying to butt in thinking she shouldn’t be alone while heavily pregnant. It was exactly because of everyone making such a fuss, that Maya decided on the little retreat.
The spot was a secluded, out of town location that was almost rural in setting. Maya instantly felt revived by the fresh air and the sense of being cut off from the stress of city life. The property owned by one of her aunts who’d passed on and left the place to Maya and her sisters. The others hardly spent time there, not fond of the rustic life with barely any amenities, but the thought of living rough strangely appealed to Maya.
It was like being one with nature, and during her time there she let her thought wander over the past year. About how she’d always been independent – maybe too independent. Her last boyfriend, Sam had even told her, he’d sometimes felt lacking because she never seemed to need anyone or anything. Her self-sufficient nature, made it so that even when she cried, or felt down and alone, she never really expected anyone to give any comfort or even care.
Slowly, Maya realized how much she wasn’t perfect either. As such, she started to feel guilty about giving Alain such a hard time just because he’d made mistakes. She wasn’t ready to simply excuse them all away, but she began to understand that she couldn’t stick totally to the negative side of things. In many ways Alain had been a pillar of support at that time when she’d lost her bearing. His patient and steadfast nature had encouraged her to seek an inner purpose and do something with her life other than just working for a paycheck. He made her want to make the best out of life, and of herself.
She felt bad now, when she thought of when she told him she could always find a father for her baby. To her, Alain was the best father. It hurt her to think of his pained eyes and how he looked like he already thought she was slipping away from his grasp.