Okay, so I’m a little uncomfortable.
Do you know how hard it is to find a private place to watch Cinemax levels of softcore porn of your girlfriend? Without a word, Eva sent me what was probably the most scandalous thing she had on her computer. From the sign that occasionally appears in the camera’s lens, I see this is from a national BDSM conference almost two years ago. It was probably after she broke up with Martin. Definitely before we started hooking up.
The only way I’m able to watch it is in the hotel bathroom. (Door locked, of course. Sheesh. I feel like I’m squirreled away jerking it.) Kathryn is still lying on the bed, playing with her phone and occasionally dozing. I didn’t bother her, and she didn’t summon me for anything.
So here I am, in my Parisian hotel bathroom, earbuds in and eyes glued to my phone as I push play. I don’t know who took this video, but I’m guessing it’s something Kathryn never wants seeing the light of day, no matter how proud she was that night.
To be fair, I only know it’s her from the way she’s walking and because I know that body better than anyone. The blond French twist on top of her head helps immensely too. Otherwise, she’s wearing a black mask that covers half her face. People are calling her Mistress Kat. The only person who calls her Kat in any capacity is her father!
I don’t know who the guy is. Probably some random sub who volunteers for these events. As long as you’re either good looking or a seasoned pro at the game, they’ll let anyone who wants to volunteer come in so the Dommes have lots of pickings. I’m not surprised to see this is some ripped college guy who comes to these things during spring break while his frat brothers think he’s getting mad pussy in Fort Lauderdale. Oh, he’s getting mad pussy. Mad, mad Domme pussy, assuming they decide to bestow their beautiful loins to the man who is having to work for it.
“Aren’t you a sexy little stud muffin?” Kathryn’s voice drips in sarcasm. The half-naked man is gobbling up every drop. “What are you going to do for me, Stud? You gonna whip out your cock?”
This, of course, is impossible, because the guy’s hands are tied behind his back. He’s wearing white briefs that show his whole erect package, though. Damnit. I think this guy is bigger than me. Goodbye, pride. It was nice knowing you.
I can’t hear what the guy says, because the cheering from the all-female audience is almost deafening. Kathryn pets the top of the guy’s head and whispers something in his ear. Now I know why everyone is cheering. The guy is sporting the erection of a lifetime in his briefs.
What I watch unfold in this ten minute video almost looks like art. Okay, I take that back. It is art. If a Dom can say what he does is akin to performance art, then so can a Domme. Just because I’m torn between awe and agony watching my girlfriend tie up a guy and making him grovel for sexual relief doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate what it is. How many times have I brought a woman to the edge of orgasm and told her she’d only get to come if she held back? How many times have I done that to Kathryn, the woman spanking a guy’s cock with a crop?
My hand covers my mouth. I blow air between my fingers. What the fuck am I even trying to dissuade? I’m not…
I look down. Little Ian is an asshole, and I’m chalking this up to har har hot woman har har my girlfriend being sexual L O L time to fill with blood and be an obnoxious bastard!
Over the months I’ve learned a lot about Kathryn’s dominating style. When she enters a scene as a Domme, she wants to be worshipped. She wants to feel like the queen of the world. She wants nothing more than the man she’s with to turn the tables of power and bestow all his privilege, all his rights upon her. That’s what it means to submit to Kathryn Alison. Leave your privilege and preconceptions at the door, boys. Your goddess waits.
It’s why I’ve taken to calling her such things when we’re really into it. Even when I’m Topping, I’ll call her things like goddess. Never princess or something that could be seen as “you’re not #1 in your league.” I may be dominating her in a scene, but I still recognize her needs. She wants to feel like the most important woman in the world? I will deliver that, in my own way. Besides, who said she wasn’t the most important woman in my world?
This guy in this video? The one she had just met maybe ten minutes before their scene began? It’s different. It’s so different from what I had gathered that I’m second guessing everything I thought I knew about my beloved Kathryn.
The video ends with her jerking the guy off. She looks right into his eyes, says something I can’t make out, and finally steps aside as the guy loses it all on the stage in front of him. The crowd is cheering so loudly that I have to pull my earbuds out.