Isn’t that what these types of relationships are really about? Discovery?
Kathryn’s hand grazes my crotch as she sits up and leans in toward my ear. “I can take really good care of you, you know. You deserve it.”
“Have I really earned your devotion like that already?”
She pinches my thigh through a pair of slacks. I can barely feel it, but the message is there. “Not so fast. You’ve earned some spoils. I didn’t say anything about my devotion yet. Not that kind of devotion.”
Surely not. Like I wouldn’t tell my sub she gets all the candy upfront, I wouldn’t expect to get everything I want right away either.
What do I want? Hmm. Good question. I’m sure I’ll figure it out soon enough.
Fire blazes through me as Kathryn rubs more than the inside of my thigh. My cock stirs in anticipation. Does it know what it signed up for? It thinks it’s going to get what it always gets. Really, it doesn’t care how it gets it. It doesn’t care what I’m doing up here to get some relief down there. An orgasm’s an orgasm.
Haha. That’s what I’m going to tell myself!
“You know what I want?” Kathryn volunteers the answer before I can ask what. “I want a man who will take care of me as well as I take care of him. I want someone I trust to always be there for me, no matter what state I’m in. Most of all, though, I want someone who is going to make me feel like I’m the queen of this castle. Can you do that for me, Ian?”
I swallow. “I think I get you. It’s not about using power with you. It’s about knowing your worth.”
“Exactly.” Her smile is familiar. Ah, it’s the same one I saw in that video. You know, the one where she treated that guy like her obedient disciple.
Kathryn Alison does not want to be a CEO. She doesn’t want to be President of the United States. She doesn’t even want to be a queen, regardless of whether or not she uses that word. What Kathryn Alison wants is to be the goddess I see her as. Almighty, powerful, and eternal in her benevolence – and her ability to extract revenge at a moment’s notice. I can see her being the kind of Greek goddess who is great with her rewards but terrifying in her punishment. She doesn’t want to punish, though. Punishing the man who follows her is not a point of pleasure. She wants to feel worshipped, and reward accordingly.
They say that gods are only as strong as their devoted followers. Without anyone to believe in a god or goddess, don’t they disappear forever? If I want the world to see what an amazing woman my girlfriend is, I’ll have to start with myself. Others can follow my lead if they want, but I want to make it clear, and perhaps cement the position, that I am her #1 follower. Her head priest. Her acolyte. Nobody is going to know her better than I do.
Starting tonight, Kathryn will see how far I can go to share such devotion with her.
I’m 100% calm and collected when I touch her chin and lightly kiss her lips. “I’d love to see exactly how worthy you are, Kathryn.”
I almost never call her that name to her face anymore. It’s always Katie or some other diminutive. I can’t say any of those words now, though. It wouldn’t be right.
Apparently, I still screwed up. “That’s ma’am, to you.”
I must have said it right, because she smiles, hands rubbing all over me and making my blood boil in rising passion. “Start by telling me everything you like about me, Ian. If I like what you say, I’ll make you happy too.”
Is this how she really is or is she easing me into it? “I don’t like anything about you, ma’am. I feel only love. I don’t cheapen my feelings, especially for a woman like you.”
Yup, I said the right thing. Those are fingers grabbing my cock through my pants. Hello.
“All right, then. So what do you love about me? Spare no details.”
I begin with the way she makes me feel in everyday life. Can she believe my words of, “When I wake up beside you, I know that my life must still be a dream? Or have I entered a nightmare where I’m going to discover that you’re not really there at all?” Every time I see her, whether it’s been a week or two hours, my heart skips many beats and my breath catches in my chest. To be fair, I thought this about her for the longest time, but I never let myself admit it. Kathryn was unobtainable. I thought we were incompatible. Turns out we were too compatible, and I was too immature to commit to it.
From those feelings I go to how gorgeous she is. Not just her soft skin, bright golden hair, or the invigorating smile on her face. She’s beautiful on the inside too. Does she know how proud I am of her for doing so much charity work? She didn’t have to raise a million dollars for that homeless shelter. She didn’t have to start a summer reading program at one school and then immediately set her sights on another. How many jobs has she created? Jobs that do so well for the communities we’ve never been a part of? One night at dinner Kathryn told me, with that furious passion of hers, that we can’t sit on our asses and expect things to improve for everyone else. We have to be the change we want to see, right? If we want higher literacy rates among minority children, more opportunities for the disenfranchised, better legalization of things that help people rather than hinder them, and the ability to say to the homeless, “You don’t deserve this. No one does. Let’s fix it,” then we have to start with ourselves. I think about that a lot.