My bed is cold, too cold for this morning. As I twist and turn uncomfortably under the sheets I realize that nothing feels quite right. My entire body shouldn’t feel this icy at all. I guess that’s because Owen isn’t here with me and I really wish that he was.
Shit this is bad, I think while shoving the pillow over my head. This is realty bad.
I already knew that I liked Owen, I felt very aware that my feelings were a bit too much… but now it’s more. It’s a whole lot more. I have the horrifying sensation that I’m seriously falling for him. I shouldn’t have done this, any of it. Stepping foot into the world of paying a man for sex was never going to work out well for me. I should’ve guessed that I would end up emotionally attached to him. Especially after last night when we had sex for a whole other reason entirely. No money ever exchanged hands, there wasn’t even a mention of payment. It’s all too confusing.
Thinking about last night stirs and churns up my entire body. It wasn’t ever supposed to be that but we lost control of ourselves. An intense sensation overcame us and we couldn’t hold back even if we wanted to. That powerful magnetism, the bubble of chemistry, it was undeniable. Maybe if either of us had considered it for a moment, we would’ve run in the opposite direction, but maybe not.
I make myself stand and I throw my head into my hands in desperation. What the hell am I going to do now? I’ve made such a mess of things that it doesn’t seem like there’s anywhere to turn. I can’t exactly call up Owen and ask him what he thinks about all of this, he’s an escort, one that couldn’t get away from me quick enough last night, proving that he doesn’t want to know. I guess I just need to take this as a learning experience, be glad for the things I’ve learned and try to move on.
I huff as I move across the room, trying to forget the sinking feeling in my chest. I have a job to do today and some more information to help me achieve it. I’ve got to get in there, kick some ass at this stupid sex scene and then hopefully not think about romance again for a very long time…
“You did good today,” Buzz comments as we walk off set in a much more pleasant tone than he usually uses to address me. “I’m impressed, you really pulled it out the bag.”
The compliment feels weird when I’m semi naked with only a skin colored G string and a tiny towel covering my body, but I try to take it graciously. It feels nice to have him being sweet with me, it isn’t what I’m used to. Usually he looks at me like I’m a much lesser being than him.
“Oh right… thanks,” I reply with a small smile playing on my lips. “It wasn’t easy…”
“You made it look easy. I mean, today you moved your body brilliantly. It was almost as if you could see yourself through the camera lens and you knew how to make it work.”
I can’t reply to that because instantly it fills me with images of Owen. He helped me to understand exactly what I need to do. Watching myself in the mirror… well that was a lesson I don’t think I’ll ever forget. But of course, I’m not thinking about him right now.
“I just, erm, did some real thinking about it and luckily it worked out well.”
I shrug my shoulders in a coy way and turn to move towards my dressing room. This is definitely the sort of conversation that I’d much prefer to have dressed but it seems that Buzz has other ideas. He fixes his hand onto my shoulder and he spin me back around to look at him.
“You know…” He pauses and clicks his tongue a couple of times before nodding. “Yeah, you know what? I think me and you should go out some time. Like for a date or whatever.”
My heart leaps up into my throat, I can barely believe his words. When I first took this job I would’ve jumped at an opportunity like this. Buzz is gorgeous, that’s why he’s been picked to play the male lead role in this movie, but as I’ve gotten to know him I haven’t liked him as much. But today he’s being nice, and today more than ever I really need someone to be nice to me.
“Are you serious?” I gush in shock. “What do you mean? Like, for real?”
Buzz laughs at me and he rests a hand on my arm. I wait for the butterflies to flap through my body, but they don’t. Everything remains stoically still within me. “Of course, I’m serious. You’ve been so awesome to work with and you’re good looking too. We look good together.”
I part my lips, about to make my excuses since this doesn’t feel like the sort of moving on I should be doing, but before I get a chance to say anything, Carly pipes up from behind me, making me jump since I didn’t even know she was there. “She would love to!” she declares with gusto. “Shall we say seven PM tonight? You can pick her up at the end of Fuller Street?”
I half expect the childishness of my friend getting in the middle to put Buzz off, but it doesn’t. He chuckles and nods, agreeing with Carly which effectively seals the deal for me. Looks like I’m going on this date with my co star after all, and I’m not even excited about it.
“What did you do that for?” I gush once Buzz has gone. “Have you gone insane?”
“Have you?” Carly’s eyes burn holes in me as she flings her hands onto her hips. “Buzz is a good-looking actor, who by the way has more fame than you at the moment, so why wouldn’t you?”
“Are you actually suggesting that I go out with him for fame?” I’m horrified, I don’t ever want to become that person. The girl in a ‘showmance’. “Because that’s crazy.”
“It couldn’t hurt.” She shrugs. “But no, I think you should because you’ve just got yourself back up on the horse, so why not take that one step further and go dating? You really need to get back out there in the romantic world and I think that this is a good place to begin. You and Buzz have chemistry, you have something in common, you could make a cute couple.”
“He isn’t the nicest though, is he?” I pout back. I don’t like this plan at all. Maybe I do need to forget but this feels all kinds of wrong. “I haven’t ever really got on with him until today…”
“Which is why today is the perfect day. Trust me, Avril, you need this.”
I suppose in a way her words are right, but that doesn’t mean I want to hear them. It’s smart to think about dating when I haven’t for so long, I do miss the idea of love and I want to invite it into my life, but with Owen still firmly playing in my mind, how can I? I have butterflies with him, real feelings, he’s like a friend as well as someone I like. But of course, he’s also out of bounds.
“Urgh, I don’t have a choice anyway?” I glance behind me to see Buzz leaning up against the wall and sipping some water, still half naked. Objectively he’s still stunning, but is that going to be enough? “You’re going to have to help me with this, you do understand that?”
“Oh yes, we must find the perfect dress for you to wear. Especially if the paparazzi are going to photograph you which I’m sure they’ll want to.”
I have the funny feeling that Carly’s thinking more about that side than the date side, but I can’t be bothered to push her on it. I suppose a big part of being an actress is being photographed anyway so if this helps then so be it. I need all the encouragement I can to get me on this date.